“I hate being single!” or, “Why am I so unlucky in love?” Do these sound familiar? If so, then welcome to Single-hood. I will admit, some people are really unlucky when it comes to love. I have seen it first hand, but there are those who are still single due to those are left in the “pool” while others are single due to being their own worst enemy. Then of course you have those people who call you “desperate.” Lets get one stereotype cleared up though: I am not desperate because I am single. I am single because I am not desperate. There’s a difference. If you are running from relationship to relationship, then okay, you are desperate, but if you struggling to find someone and you have your standards, you are NOT desperate, you are smart.
This is NOT for those people. The ones who are smart enough to take a step back, look at the situation, and go slow into finding someone to have a real relationship with instead of rushing themselves to the altar.
This is for those who are sabotaging any chance they get at having a relationship and there are 15 good reasons why you are still single.
Lets start off small:
1- You have annoying habits that scare people away.
We all know someone who has this annoying habit of talking with food in their mouth. We all also know someone who is obsessed with their blackberry or iPhone. You interrupt people while they are talking and talk about something else or just talk on and on, was another relationship breaker that was mentioned. Other annoying habits that scare people away that were mentioned by people were not being given space and always feeling like they are smothered. Everyone needs space. In order to keep a relationship fresh and keep someone interested it’s important to remember that everyone needs down time.
2- You don’t pay attention and constantly make the other person repeat.
It doesn’t cost anything to pay attention. If someone is talking to you and you are too busy doing something else, what does that say about how you value the other person? We as a society need to learn to listen better. Most people just listen for the cue to when its their turn to speak, they don’t actually listen to what is being said. Focus on what exactly someone is saying, not just on the fact that their mouth is moving. Communication is key to any relationship and part of that is listening to what others are saying.
3- Loyalty, Honesty, & Trust issues.
Let me give you the straight definition of each term. Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause. Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating or theft. And Trust is, the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. These three are tied together. When you don’t have one in any relationship, you don’t have any of them. When you are loyal, you don’t cheat. When you have faith that the person you love only loves you; then you have trust. And when you trust someone, you know that they are being fully honest with you about every aspect of the relationship.
4- You constantly talk about your ex or previous relationship nonstop.
I know some ladies who constantly talk about previous relationships as if they are still continuing. When you still have serious baggage you can not and SHOULD NOT even start to think about having a new relationship when you aren’t even over the previous one. This is mistake that many single ladies make. They hop into a new relationship just so they can forget about how “Dave” ripped their heart into a million pieces, or they sleep with the first guy that glances over at them in a bar, restaurant, gym, etc. This is also very “desperate” behavior which signifies very deep self-worth, self-esteem issues, because when you settle just for “anyone” to get over someone with whom you had an emotional and physical relationship with, you are setting yourself up for even a bigger disaster.
5- You have a negative outlook on life.
Negativity breeds negativity just like positivity breeds positivity If you have the “whoa is me,” attitude, who wants to be around that and listen to it 24/7? I know that I don’t. Who wants to keep hearing how work stinks, how much you wish you would be able to live somewhere else, or how everyone around you is having babies and families but not me? Always see the cup as half full instead of half empty.Your self-esteem and emotional strength depends solely on your manner of thinking and how you see things around you.
6- You are oversharing too fast.
Making a full disclosure within first few meetings can be disastrous since you are not aware how the other person is going to react to the “skeltons” you reveal. Again, our new date doesn’t need to know why you hate your family, why your previous relationships didn’t work, your money issues, etc. Remember, less history equals more mystery. By oversharing too fast, you have shown all the cards in your hand to your opponent. So now, you in turn give him or her more power over you and your emotions.
7- You have fantasy-like, unrealistic ideas about the opposite sex.
Sadly some women just want to meet a tall, handsome guy who has money and other perks that will make them live happily ever after. The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life, the Prince goes off with the wrong Princess. If all you want is to be somebody’s “trophy wife,” you really are setting yourself up for disaster, heartbreak, and torture. Relationships shouldn’t be based on looks, money or perks. Relationships should be based on personality, compatibility, and civility. There’s a difference between being picky and being discriminating. Being picky is about focusing on traits and other details that look good on the surface. Being discriminating is about using good judgment and focusing on how well a man treats you and how you connect with him. (same for a man, a woman should treat you with respect as well.)
You must be clear about what qualities you’re willing to live with and what you can’t live without.
In today’s society we are all told that men need to be with someone “hot” and that women need to find a man with money. Don’t fall for what society tells you. Look at how screwed up it is. Never apologize for having HIGH standards because people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them. Stop dreaming about the fairy tale, stop wanting a guy to put you on a pedestal, and stop wanting the movie-like romance. Relationships are REAL.
8- You keep going after the wrong partner
This happens more than people realize. There is such a thing as “Bad boy complex” whereas women are attracted to a guy who is labeled as a bad boy type. Those guys are just after one thing, they aren’t after having a relationship, they are after scoring with you and moving forward, playing head games, and acting as if they care when they don’t. Or you are attracted to guys who are not emotionally available. Physically they want to spend time with you, but emotionally they don’t know if they are coming or going. If you don’t love yourself first, you will constantly be chasing people who don’t love you either.
9- You don’t take care of yourself
If you constantly let yourself go, no wonder no one wants to date you! Guys want ladies who take care of themselves. This includes things like wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, exercising and even watching what you eat. It’s not that you aren’t appealing; first impressions are important, then he won’t even waste his time on you at all. Remember, you don’t need to go overboard, but most men’s eyes are going to go the women who are more appealing. So save the sweatpants with the holes in it, for home, not for when you head out.
10- You’re being judgmental and insecure
We all judge, we’re human. But there’s a difference between having an opinion and judging someone based on outer knowledge. Hating on other women because you are insecure about who you are, is something men can’t stand. It’s one thing to want the same clothes, hairstyle and shoes, but it’s another when the jealousy gets so deep that all you do is compare yourself to them. All the negative talk saps out all the fun and flirtness from your partner. The only person you should worry about is yourself. Stop worrying about competing with others and focus on you.
11- You have sex with your partner too soon
According to YourTango.com, “If you sleep with a man the first time you meet him, there’s a good chance he may not call for a second date. Why? He may feel that he has gotten everything from you that’s worth getting. By not giving him more than a kiss the first night you meet him, he will be encouraged to continue the pursuit.” Having sex in the first few months of a relationship is what ultimately kills a relationship. It’s easy to become infatuated with another person, but lust doesn’t always lead to love. When the both of you are connected emotionally as well as physically, the sex will be so much more meaning.
12- You reak of desperation
Some women wear the tattoo on their forehead that reaks “I’m desperate!” When you stop your tired chase for love, it will show up. This is what online dating is all about: desperate people looking for quick relationships. Get off online dating and put yourself literally out there in the world. Expand your social circle by joining sports groups, church groups, volunteer doing charity work, and even go out on the town on your own. You never know who you will meet if you don’t go out and just have fun.
13- You limit yourself
It’s great to have standards, but that doesn’t mean you should limit yourself to only dating blondes, guys with blue eyes, guys with muscles, etc. Women have an unrealistic idea that they need to just date someone according to their standards, but who you date and your standards are two totally different things. Your standards are what you value, not what the guy will look like or be like. If you go ahead and date that computer geek, he may not have the “look” but he probably will live up to your standards.
14- Your so are vain
The song Carly Simon sings, “I bet you think this song is about you,” is how some people think. When you act like a total diva who wants to be with you? Don’t be the woman who no man want to be around because you overly love yourself or are a total witch. Stand up for yourself, yes, but pick your battles. Some women are so vain that they won’t like a guy just because he has a bad haircut or didn’t wear a shirt that is from a certain designer, so they will write him off as boyfriend material.
15- You don’t ask any questions
It’s great to have similar interests, but if you don’t ask questions to get to know someone, and only talk about yourself, you might as well date yourself. The only true way to see if you have chemistry with someone is to get to know them. And the best way to get to know someone is to ask questions. Just remember number six and don’t overshare too soon. If a question makes you uneasy, don’t feel pressure to answer, “just because” instead tell him that you can’t answer that question right now but will in the future. This way you don’t scare them away with oversharing and you also seem interested in having a relationship with him.